Articles

Condoms

Be sure to use only approved condoms. Pay attention to the expiry date found on the packaging. After that date, the quality of the rubber will decrease, becoming porous and tearing more easily. For years people were advised to use only extra-strength condoms for anal contact. Studies have shown that it does not matter whether you use an extra-strength condom or a regular one, as long as you use enough lube with it (and that must be either silicon-based or water-based lube, which means you cannot use oil, grease or Vaseline). Condoms designed for women (‘femidoms’) are also available at chemists or pharmacies. This type of condom needs to be inserted prior to sex. It can also be used for anal intercourse.

Lube
When using condoms, never use any type of oil-based lubrication, such as baby oil or Vaseline. These will damage the quality of the rubber, making the condom porous and more likely to tear. Use only water-based or silicone-based lubricants such as Wet Stuff or Sensilube. Add additional lube every so often if the fucking goes on for a long time. Nonoxynol-9 is added to some types of lubrication. Although it is said to kill both semen and virus, that is actually not true. Moreover, the chemical itself can have adverse side effects. It is absolutely not recommended to use lube with nonoxynol-9.

Using the condom
To maximally reduce the chance that a condom will tear or slip off:

  • Read the instructions before using the condom.
  • Put on the condom in the correct manner.
  • Practice putting on condoms before you actually need to use one.
  • Avoid any contact between the penis and the anus or vagina before the condom is in place.
  • Withdraw the penis directly after coming and hold on to the condom to keep it from slipping off.

 

Not using condoms creates an extra bond
Since I know that my fuck buddy also has HIV, we have sex without condoms. We didn’t even discuss it. It really creates an extra bond. I am willing to accept the risk that I might get other STIs.
Henk

God is very important
God is very important to me. In marriage it is allowed to use condoms in order to prevent the transmission of HIV.
Josef

Pull out
In the sauna I only do it with condoms. It has happened a couple of times that someone I was having sex with decided to stop because of that.
Ben

Making love is so much nicer without condoms
Making love is so much nicer without condoms. In terms of the physical sensation it doesn’t even make such a big difference for me as a woman, but it gives freedom. A condom means interruptions. I think giving blowjobs to someone wearing a condom is ridiculous, so that means I can’t stop and suck on the man for a while every so often if we are fucking with a condom. I’ve tried using a female condom, but that hangs out like half a sandwich bag while you are making love, which is hardly sexy.
Corina

Unsafe
If someone does not have HIV, I will definitely be safe. But I do have unsafe sex with a couple of regular sex partners who also have HIV.
Casper

I have to be persistent
It happens quite often that I really have to be persistent if I want to use a condom. Many guys find it strange that I want to cover it in rubber. I used to just give into that, but now that I have more control of my sex life, I am enjoying it more.
John

Changing your mind-set
A man told me: ‘Each time I use a condom with my partner it reminds me that I have HIV; we never used to do that.’ Thoughts like that can form an obstacle to your sexual pleasure. I asked him: ‘What does sexuality mean for you? What does it stand for? Lust? Experiencing intimacy?’ I hoped that he would eventually say: ‘Condom or not, it’s about our contact.’ I try to change a person’s mind-set, so that he or she will begin to see the condom as being separate from HIV, as something merely functional that doesn’t have to get in the way of intimacy.
Eva Buitenhuis, psychologist and sexologist  

 

 

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