Articles

Sex can be very animalistic, but also spiritual - sex coach Prasand Baidjnath Misier

In my role as a sex coach, I discuss sex with my clients in an adult way: no judging and no giggling. Some of my clients come to me with a sexual problem, but there are also some who just want to learn something new. I sometimes compare it with cooking. You can cook the same way your mother always cooked, but you can also learn something new from the Italian or the Indian cuisine. I can offer you sexual inspiration from other cultures.

Many people are wrapped up in their thoughts
Many people are so wrapped up in their thoughts that they are not very good at listening to their feelings. What you see in the media and advertising is often mostly about fantasy, about the idea of escaping. In that sense, they create an ideal image. You really see that in ads for perfume and clothing, for example. But sexuality is really more about your own feelings! Sex can put you in touch with that feeling, with your own body. Sexual problems very often develop because the sex you have doesn’t match the images that you have in your head. The sex you have doesn’t match your fantasy, and during sex you somehow don’t feel that you are the person you would like to be. Many men in their 60s can easily experience an orgasm, for example, but they may be dissatisfied because they no longer produce as much semen when they come (ejaculate) or because they don’t have a very good erection.

Source of energy
Sexuality can be a huge source of energy. Sex can get you in touch with your sensuality – with you who are as a person. I try to bring my clients back to their feelings, to their authenticity. A lot of people find that a bit scary. You might realise that you feel unhappy, that you are no longer happy with your job or with your partner or that you are doing things sexually that you don’t really want to do. If you truly get in touch with your feelings, then that is something you can’t avoid.

Meaning
What does sex mean to you? Through sex you can experience intimacy with your partner, but sex often also has other important functions: releasing tensions, getting a shot of adrenaline, being appreciated, earning money, manipulating people, having power, or even looking for spirituality. All those meanings are what make sex so special.

Animalistic or spiritual
Sex can be very animalistic, like rabbits mounting each other: fucking in order to procreate. But sex can also be spiritual: ‘What do I want from the other person? And what does the other person want from me?’ Sex can bring you into contact with your spirituality. You open your heart and you make real contact. I call that tantra: you generate energy and let it run through your body; you give energy to the other person and receive energy from him or her in turn. In that way, you create a ‘one-plus-one-equals-three’ situation. Together you are more than you are individually. If you experience sex in a spiritual way, you make a real connection.

Expression of your personality
How do you express yourself sexually? How satisfying is your sex life? Do you ever experience the romantic side of sex? Sexuality is an expression of your personality. You make sounds of pleasure: you cry, scream and laugh. I think it’s a shame that so many men don’t dare to express their feminine side: being caring, giving warmth, and opening up your heart. Men often behave in such a macho and aggressive way: ‘Who is the boss? Who has the most power?’

Problems with masturbation
It’s quite common for people to think that masturbation is somehow unacceptable and that sex should always involve someone else. That leads to them to think that you shouldn’t spend too much time doing it. But there can be so much more to masturbation than just a quick wank! I offer people inspiration from other cultures to help them find their own, authentic way of dealing with masturbation. What fits best with who you are? Go ahead and experiment! I often ask my clients: Why do you masturbate? What do you think about when you masturbate? Are you at one with yourself? Do you feel at one with your body? Or do you really need to do a lot to stimulate yourself before you feel anything at all? You can also masturbate in such a way that it becomes a sort of meditation. In that case, you will be aware of your breathing and your energy. You will feel grounded.

Sex can be playful and innocent
HIV shouldn’t really have anything to do with the way you deal with sex. Everyone with HIV reacts to it in his or her own way. Some might throw themselves full on into sex. Others might want nothing to do with sex for a while. In that case, it is good to remember that sex can be playful and innocent. And that it can be fun. Sex is not just a wrongdoer. People often have the idea that sex has to be exciting, horny and serious. The whole idea that you enjoy each other in a playful way is often missing. Sex can give you a lot of pleasure, regardless of whether or not you have HIV.

Contact

Hiv Vereniging Nederland

Eerste Helmersstraat 17

1054 CX AMSTERDAM

020 6 160 160

servicepunt@hivnet.org
>> directions

 

Servicepunt

020 689 25 77
servicepunt@hivnet.org


For questions about living with HIV. Available monday, tuesday and thursday from 2 PM till 10 PM

>> read more

Membership

Support the association and become a member
>> contact Servicepunt