Positive sexuality - a booklet

positieve seksualiteitEveryone who has HIV ends up living with it in his or her own way, just like everyone experiences his or her sexuality and relationships in his or her own way. Whether you have only just found out that you have HIV or you have been living with HIV for years already, this booklet offers information and inspiration regarding sexuality. It contains plenty of quotes from people with HIV talking about their sexuality, as well as from people who can offer support in that regard.

Everyone is different
Sexual experience and sexual behaviour differ from person to person. And there are also differences between groups: between men and women, and between homosexuals, straights and bisexuals. It makes a difference whether you are single or in a relationship – and a monogamous relationship is different from an open relationship. It makes a difference whether or not your (sex) partner has HIV, or if you don’t know either way. You can have casual contacts in the form of one-night stands, but there might also be one or more people that you have sex with on a regular basis. There are also differences between people in terms of where they come from. If this booklet says something about a group, it obviously doesn’t apply to every single member of that group. Fortunately there are major differences from person to person.

This booklet is about sexuality for people with HIV. Part of the information deals specifically with HIV. For instance, should you tell someone that you have HIV? And if so, when? And how can you become a mother or a father if you have HIV? This booklet also contains information about sexuality in general – for example about the enjoyment of sex and about sexual problems – wherever HIV might play a role.

Download this booklet or read more of the articles on information -> sexuality.


Keeping it to myself
Last year I went back to visit my motherland in Africa and it was then that I met my boyfriend. I’m going again next year. I have a daughter from an earlier relationship. She is now living with her aunt in Africa and I want to see her again. And naturally I want to see my boyfriend again too. I think I will tell him then about my HIV. I don’t want to make the same mistake of keeping it to myself. If he loves me, he will accept me the way I am. I’m not afraid of telling him, since we haven’t gone to bed together yet.
Abby

In the Netherlands I’m less likely to have time
I am satisfied with my sex life. I recently took a long trip of a few months and had plenty of time to spend with the people I met along the way. Sometimes that would lead to something, and that was great. In the Netherlands I’m less likely to have time for those situations. I don’t have a relationship at the moment, but there is a guy that I have intimate sex with every now and then. That’s something I really like a lot.
Ben

Deep down, it does play a role
For two years now I’ve had a monogamous relationship with a man who does not have HIV. I am reasonably satisfied with our sex life. In fact, it keeps getting better. My HIV doesn’t really play a role – at least not in my head. During sex I almost never think about HIV, but the sex is still different compared to sex with a man who does have HIV. Deep down I guess it does play a role. Also because I am continually aware of the ugly changes my body is going through as a consequence of HIV.
Sanna

Be honest
It’s already been four years since my last relationship. I can’t find a woman, because no one wants me with my HIV. I want to be very honest with myself and with people around me, so I want to tell them about my HIV before we go to bed together. Someone will come along one day. You will know it if someone gets inside your heart.
Josef

Two fuck buddies
I don’t have a partner, but I do have two fuck buddies who I have very enjoyable sex with on a regular basis. Recently my sex life has been rather quiet. I don’t really feel the need for it at the moment. But if I do have sex, it’s good and I enjoy it. I am more comfortable having fuck buddies than having one-night stands via the Internet. Dates through the Internet are often disappointing. I end up thinking: ‘Hmm, that was it?’
Henk

It would be terrible if she would get HIV
Telling my girlfriend was more important to me than how she would react to what I had told her. She was not as levelheaded about it as I was, but that is hardly surprising. She needed a couple of years to get used to the idea, but she did not walk away. I really respect that in her. Better that way, than that she would be completely nonchalant about it. I would find it really terrible if she got HIV from me.
Hans

My sex life is terrific
My sex life is terrific. I have had a new boyfriend for the past five months. We started talking in a bar during Carnival. It immediately clicked between us and, besides that, he has dealt with my HIV really well too. He is a terrific sex partner. He makes it possible for me to surrender myself without any shame to fantasies that I’ve always had, but that I’ve never dared to do anything with.
Corina

Still less
My sex life is still less than it was before I found out that I had HIV, but I can now have reasonably unrestrained sex. I haven’t had any good experiences with the Internet. You never know who you’re going to have to deal with. It happened once that a guy came in my mouth after I’d been sucking him for just a couple of seconds. Or that you go somewhere and it turns out that nobody is home. I prefer going to a bar or sauna where you can just meet people in a normal way.
Jan

Worrying
I’ve been worrying more about my sex life ever since I got HIV, but actually it hasn’t got any worse! I don’t have a relationship, but I do see a number of men on a regular basis. Dating via Internet is too much of a hassle, and I don’t like saunas.
Robin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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