The HIV status of your (sex) partner

Some people with HIV simply prefer to have someone else with HIV as their (sex) partner. When someone with HIV chooses to have a partner with the same HIV status, that is known as serosorting. The reasons that peoplestatus partner commonly give for serosorting include feeling that they are on an equal level with their partner, not having HIV be a source of tension in the relationship, and feeling relief at not having to worry about infecting the other person. There are also people with HIV who prefer having a partner who does not have HIV. They might say, for example, that one disease in the relationship is more than enough. Other people don’t care either way, for example because they do not want to limit their choice only to people with HIV.

Tension
HIV is a source of tension in a lot of relationships. If I met a woman who also had HIV, I would feel that I was on equal footing with her. But if I meet a woman who doesn’t have HIV but who still accepts me the way I am, that would also be fine, of course. If you get married, you enter into a bond ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health’.
Josef

That’s not an issue
My boyfriend also has HIV, so that’s not an issue for us.
Floor

Already knows quite a lot
I met my boyfriend one night when I was out. I immediately told him about my HIV and that was no problem at all for him. He has still never been tested, but we both assume he doesn’t have HIV. One of his best friends has had HIV for 20 years now, so he already knows quite a lot about it.
Tom

Fuck buddy does not have HIV
I now have a fuck buddy who doesn’t have HIV. I am not going to let my world shrink just because I have a virus.
John

Such a big deal
My boyfriend doesn’t have HIV, but he’s not afraid of it either. That means I also don’t have to feel somehow ‘dirty’. I once told an earlier boyfriend, just before we were going to have sex, that I had HIV. He told me then that it wasn’t a problem, but the day after we’d had sex, it suddenly was a problem. It startled me to see that it was such a big deal for him.
Sanna

Serosorting
I think serosorting is a very positive development. It is nice on both a sexual and an emotional level. People with HIV look for intimacy with others they have something in common with. If I meet a new sex partner, my HIV often doesn’t play a role at first, but if things get serious between us after a couple of dates and the other person does not have HIV, it will become a factor.
Ben

 

 

 

 

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